How Many Times?

Most of you breeze through life like you have the manual at the back of your hand.  However, there are some of us who fumble every so often trying to figure out how we can keep our lives in motion and not rot in a “rut”!

 

Often times, we wonder if being successful isn’t really meant for us. Or maybe we really have the word “loser” engraved on our foreheads or in our hearts. Better yet, we’ve probably branded our lives an “Epic Fail!”

I’ve often fallen flat on my face over the course of my existence. And I will not lie about how painful they’ve been. Yes, I’ve bruised and have been wounded in the process. And now I have the scars of yesteryears to remind me of my failures. 

So how many times must we fail, you might wonder. I’ve asked that question so many times. I remember my father telling me that there are more “no” that “yes” in every aspect of life.

Rejection will always be there, he affirmed. He stressed it to me that if a yes was easily achieved, it wouldn’t mean a thing. He went on to tell me that rejection is the gate that keeps mediocre people away from what they want. 

I really didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. I was his first born son and was kinda spoiled so I pretty much got what I wanted. It was only when my parents passed away that I realized and applied what was taught me. 

So how many times do we try to make it in life? As much as we would like to. And for as long as we are breathing. 

Here are some tips to keep you from throwing in the towel:

Have the desire

Having the desire to achieve what you want conditions your mindset and your heart to the end result. So instead of finding excuses on why you should do it, having a strong desire helps you find solutions on how you can achieve what you want. 

A sense of humility 

There is no need to brag about wanting to climb Mount Everest. Having a sense of humility allows you to embrace your humanity. It helps you realize what is real and what is achievable. It also helps you to keep going after your goals over and over. A sense of humility helps you understand that failure is part of the process. 

Be vigilant and steadfast 

There are people who will pose as your friends. But in reality, these people the are “dream poppers” of your existence. They will tell you that it’s better to be mediocre than to humiliate yourself trying to be someone better. Keep away from these people. 

Don’t try to be someone you’re not 

Who you are is beautiful in itself. God made you in his image and likeness but you are uniquely YOU!  the goal is to try and try and try to improve yourself within the context of who you are. You don’t want to be someone you’re not. 

With these tips in mind, learn to appreciate the fact that what you may have now is something envied by those around you. If you must ask yourself how many times you should attempt at something, make sure you know the ultimate benefit you will get out of it. At the end of the day, of it’s worth fighting for, it doesn’t matter how many times you have to try to go after whatever it is your after.

Good Is Not Great!

I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to be.  As a matter of fact, I’ve begun asking myself what I did wrong to get me to where I am right now.  And the answer was very clear… I followed my heart!

I don’t know whom I got that advise from but I will tell you this right now.  Following your heart may not always be the right decision or choice.  Beware when others tell you that as long as it makes you happy, you’re good.  In reality, it isn’t always the case.

I’ve made a lot of wrong decisions and bad choices because I followed my heart.  Listen my friend, our heart doesn’t think!  It simply does what it feels is good.  And often times, what feels good isn’t always good!

When we lead with our hearts, we will fail.  But it doesn’t mean we should ignore the heart, for it is where our passion is born.  The heart is an engine that moves the will forward.  Contrary to what many of us have been taught, the heart doesn’t steer.  That is the job of the mind! 

Our mind helps us stay on the right path.  It knows what is right and what is wrong.  It doesn’t feel.  It knows! 

As an artist, I was foolish not to use my head but instead, my heart!  And now I know that I am wrong.  My heart was settling for what it felt was good.  And I was a slave to my heart.  I followed how it wanted to feel, ignoring the warning signs… all because it felt good!

And because I had something good, I lost the opportunity to have something great! 

A balanced usage of the heart and the mind would’ve told me to stop what I was doing and not allow me to fall off the “cliff”.  If I had only applied “principles” to my decision making process, I would be in a greater place right now.

But it’s all good because life is full of second chances.  And this time, I will use my mind, and not just my heart, because I don’t want to have something good.  I want to experience something GREAT!

**image courtesy of www.simonwebdesign.com

Living During Hard Times

By Paco Arespacochaga


Life is a combination of good times and bad. And just like every journey, life does have a beginning and an ending. And while we aspire for our life progress to be at an incline, that isn't often the case in actuality.

As a matter of fact, life is really full of ups and downs. And while a majority of us do thrive during good times, it's sad to know that only some of us are able to make do with life during hard times.

And though I believe there is no one way to get us through hard times, there are some principles to apply to help us live during these time. Here are some of them:

Acceptance - Everything starts with acceptance. You cannot address a problem is you don't accept the fact that there is one. Once this is established, only then can one face the situation.

Humility - When we humble ourselves to the situation, it makes our life and living during hard times easier. Humility helps us to accept that we can't afford the Mercedes Benz in the driveway, the cable service and other luxuries in life. It also stops us from keeping up with the Joneses.

Delay Gratification - There is always a lesson in every situation. Delay gratification and absorb what you must learn from where you're currently in. Delaying gratification helps you avoid pitfalls that has brought you to where you are.

Perseverance - "Hard times" doesn't suggest the slightest inclination of having a good thing going. In order to survive, one must be able to persevere. Attacks come from every direction specially if you are the head of household. At home, there are the nags of family members. Outside, bill collectors and creditors are after you.

Taking Action - Unless living in hard times appeal to you, you must begin to take action to get yourself out of your current situation. It's not going to be easy but it can be done. Seek help from experts, read books, involve family members an do whatever is necessary to help you get back on your feet again!

You Are Not Who Your Parents Were

A lot of you may be living the life you had planned out for yourselves. Many of you didn’t have to struggle to get away from the shadow of your parents. Maybe most of you never had to bother with who your parents were, that you just slipped in easily to who you are right now.

However, some of us had to live up to our parents’ expectations. Some of us had to struggle with the pseudo ghost of our parents’ accomplishments and reputations. I know for a fact that some of us have to subconsciously fill big shoes that our parents prepped for us. But most of us also want to be our own person with our own identity.

Why shouldn’t I be allowed to be me?

Here are 4 points that will help you find yourself:

Know thyself – Most of us never leave the shadow of our parents’ success or failure for one simple reason. And that’s because we haven’t found out who we are yet. While most of us are really struggling to find ourselves, some of us have simply developed a case of complacency that eats up our identity every single day.

Embrace thyself – Consider this your “point of origin.” This is the acceptance stage. And don’t get me wrong here. You and I must start somewhere. Denying who you are or what you are won’t get you anywhere. Once you’ve realized who you are and what you’re capable of, embrace it no matter how close (or unclose) your sense of self is, compared to your parents.

Develop thyself – By now, you should be under the impression that you are UNIQUE! Even if your parents are doctors, you don’t have to be one, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO! But now that you know who you are and have accepted your traits and abilities, develop it! Enjoy your abilities and use them. Sharpen those skills that are rightfully yours. Who cares if your dad is the best drummer in the world? If you love math, blaze away through all those algebraic expressions! Who’s to stop you from doing that?

Share thyself – The first three pointers definitely help boost your confidence. When you share who you are, and what you’re made of, with family, friends, community and everyone else -- fulfillment occurs. After experiencing this, more revelations about who you are will start to appear. Then you’re back to the first step!

As easy as it may sound, implementing such a process is not. There will be objections from parents, friends, family members, lovers, spouses and yourself. And the reason they object is because they only want the best for you because they “know” you. But if you let them know, feel and understand that you “KNOW” yourself more than they do you, then it will be easy for you to overcome these objections.

Remember, you are not who your parents were. And you only have one life to live. Live it!

- Paco Arespacochaga

My Commitment

At the very least, I promise to update my blog as often as I update my weekly column.

How to Be a Failure in Life!

We’ve probably read news articles and even self-help books on how to succeed in life. We’ve probably bought and downloaded various self-help audio books as well.

We’ve attended seminars and have vowed to even follow through with what we’ve learned. Yet, somehow, there are still a few of us who are unable to really succeed in life.

Maybe, there are some of us who really don’t want to succeed. Maybe, some of us really want to fail. If you want to fail in life, I’ve listed some tips on how you can be one.

1. Don’t Listen or Pay Attention – Keep doing what you think is right and NEVER listen to anyone for advise. If you get an undesired result, don’t change what your doing. Keep doing it the same way so that you always get the SAME undesired result. The key is consistency.
2. Don’t Prepare – This is a key component in achieving failure status. When going on a vacation, you do not want to prepare for the trip. When you’re working on a project, you do not want to do some preparatory research. When going on a sales call, you do not want to do pre-planning. In order to FAIL, you have to take the first step REGARDLESS of direction. It’s important to NOT understand the value of “preparedness”.
3. Make Everything All About Yourself – In order to fail, you MUST learn the art of alienating people. Your friends and supporters are a hindrance in your quest for the ultimate mastery of failing. These people, who go out of their way and of their day, only give you words of wisdom. Words of wisdom have NO PLACE in the world of failure.
4. Dwell On the Past – Another important element one must master in order to be a failure is the ability to dwell on the past. You must internalize all the disappointments you’ve experienced over time and dwell on them. Don’t let go of these disappointments. You will need to cling on every bad experience in order to help you develop the fear of moving on. You should not let go of the past. If you do, you will lose the foundation of being a failure.
5. Do Not Blame Yourself at All Cost – Never put the blame on yourself. You are NOT responsible for anything. You must blame your parents, friends, relatives, government, church, dog… anything or anybody! But never blame yourself. If you ever feel tempted to acknowledge any mistake… your hopes of becoming a failure will be in vain. Blame it on the rain!
6. There are Only Excuses, Not Solutions – Failures know these by heart and live by the dogma that excuses rule their lives. You must understand that Solutions are mythical and do not exist in the world of Failures. Successful people invented Solutions during the war between “Success and Failure” before the dawn of time.

As you journey toward the road of fail, don’t bring a map. Do not even attempt to know where it begins or where it ends. However, if you do reach the ultimate status of failure, know for a fact that you’ve “succeed”!

Good luck on your journey…

If You Think It’s Good Enough, Give It Away!

I may have said this before but I’ll say it again, nevertheless. If what you have is good enough, and you’re confident other people will appreciate it, give it away and let them try it “risk free”.

I’m not talking about “free estimates” or “free consultations”. I’m talking about an actual product or service that you are willing to give away or let your potential clients try out, RISK FREE! Okay, this is the part where most of you, businesspeople, are going to go “what!?!”

But hear me out here. Unless, you’re the only one in the world carrying a certain “widget” or “service” that people are willing to die for, you’re going to have to stand out against your competition, bad boy! And if you’re the new kid on the block, why are customers going to risk trying you out?

The goal of giving “it” away is to take away the risk factor. The goal here is to create a non-defensive attitude. The goal is to get your potential clients in the door. People in business call this the “loss leader”. And it is. And yes, there is a great benefit for having a “loss leader” in whatever it is that you do. You want people to latch on to something without them losing anything, except time. If your product or service is good enough, they will stick and stay with you.

So what does this have to do with people who are not in business or who do not have anything to sell? A lot! As a matter of fact, as cliché as it sounds, this practice falls under the “it is better to give, than to receive” category. And rightly so, marketing consultants have seen its value during the recession.

And because this article comes out in time for Valentine’s day, don’t we all do this to our significant others? Don’t we give them something… risk free? Don’t we pay for this and don’t we spend for that? Yes we do! And always, we get something BETTER in return, whether we expect it or not.

It doesn’t matter if it’s business or personal, if you believe that what you have is good enough, give it away! Don’t hold back! It might look like a “loss leader” but the return on investment will always outperform the initial cost of providing that “loss leader”, hands down.

Think about it and have a great day.