Teaching Your Children To Make Choices

I have 3 boys and a girl.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I have a man, two boys and a little girl.  As a father, my job is to raise these kids to be good men and women of society.  And just yesterday, my first born, Heaven, turned 19.  How time flies.

Heaven lives with me, here in Los Angeles.  Yesterday, I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday.  He said he wanted to drive to his mom's house, which was about 45 miles/72 Kilometers away.  And since he now drives his own car, he politely asked me if it was okay to celebrate his birthday with his mom's side of the family.  I had no problems with that.  And what made me even proud was the fact that he had made the decision for himself.

And that's what everything boiled down to... decision making.  Was it good judgement on his part to spend his birthday with his mom?  Absolutely.  My son lives with me.  He doesn't get to see his mom as often as he wants.  Yesterday's plan was perfect.

I've read Tony Robbins say that "Good judgement comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgement."  And in order to come up with "judgement", one has to make a decision.  And decision making comes with maturity.  So get into the hang of it.

Make decisions on a regular basis.  The more you do, the better you will become.

Where I Left Off

It's funny how time flies. In just a few hours, another year will be added to my life. Interestingly enough, I don't feel a tad older. I do remember back in the day, I'd rush my body and mind to grow up already. Today, I just chill!

But a huge question still hangs over my head.  Every so often, I catch myself rhetorically asking "do I like where I am?" and I don't recall giving a response.  Sad. 

And although I've mentioned earlier that I don't feel a tad older, I do feel tired.  Physically... I'm good!  Mentally, spiritually and emotionally... I'm spent, bent even!

I blame no one for where I am.  On the contrary, I am embarrassed for dragging my loved ones to where I am now... "This Dark Place".  

For a moment, I lost hope. I caught myself tolerating things I wouldn't have tolerated years ago.  But that's because I've done things I never knew I would've done.  Lame.  

There is no way to change what has been done.  But I've come to terms to deal with the consequences of my actions.  

Yes, my nights have been worst than they were but it makes me appreciate the rare times I'm able to have a good night's rest.

As much as I would like to go on... all I know is that this whole chapter in my life is necessary for me to handle what I am about to go through.  

No I'm not worried.  Sad... yes.  But it is what it is.  

And like any other journey, there are days when the roads are wide and clear.  And there are days when the roads are narrow and jammed.  And then there are those days when traffic is just at a standstill and you wished you didn't have to be on the road at all.  Such is life!  And I've learned to accept and embrace its dynamic with a optimism and faith in the Almighty that all things are possible and that no one is beyond hope!

If You Think It’s Good Enough, Give It Away!

I may have said this before but I’ll say it again, nevertheless. If what you have is good enough, and you’re confident other people will appreciate it, give it away and let them try it “risk free”.

I’m not talking about “free estimates” or “free consultations”. I’m talking about an actual product or service that you are willing to give away or let your potential clients try out, RISK FREE! Okay, this is the part where most of you, businesspeople, are going to go “what!?!”

But hear me out here. Unless, you’re the only one in the world carrying a certain “widget” or “service” that people are willing to die for, you’re going to have to stand out against your competition, bad boy! And if you’re the new kid on the block, why are customers going to risk trying you out?

The goal of giving “it” away is to take away the risk factor. The goal here is to create a non-defensive attitude. The goal is to get your potential clients in the door. People in business call this the “loss leader”. And it is. And yes, there is a great benefit for having a “loss leader” in whatever it is that you do. You want people to latch on to something without them losing anything, except time. If your product or service is good enough, they will stick and stay with you.

So what does this have to do with people who are not in business or who do not have anything to sell? A lot! As a matter of fact, as cliché as it sounds, this practice falls under the “it is better to give, than to receive” category. And rightly so, marketing consultants have seen its value during the recession.

And because this article comes out in time for Valentine’s day, don’t we all do this to our significant others? Don’t we give them something… risk free? Don’t we pay for this and don’t we spend for that? Yes we do! And always, we get something BETTER in return, whether we expect it or not.

It doesn’t matter if it’s business or personal, if you believe that what you have is good enough, give it away! Don’t hold back! It might look like a “loss leader” but the return on investment will always outperform the initial cost of providing that “loss leader”, hands down.

Think about it and have a great day.

Guitarist Series - Otchot Cortes

Otchot Cortes
by Paco Arespacochaga



What would have happened to me as a musician if I hadn’t encountered Otchot Cortes in my life? Maybe, I really wouldn’t be into music the way I turned out to be. I don’t know.

One thing I do know, Otchot thought me how to appreciate music for what it is and for what I could do to alter it. Alter it? WOW!

Otchot Cortes influenced me intellectually. I didn’t care much about his guitar playing style. I was more interested in “why” he came up with a certain part for a certain song. I was more intrigued with his philosophy. I wanted to pick his brains out. He encouraged me to fill my intellect with its own philosophical approach so that my thoughts can permeate through my music, releasing the hook of the song. He was always good at creating the hook!

Every now and then, whenever I think of writing an interesting song or an interesting blog, I simply ask myself… “What would Otchot do?” And from that answer, the choice is mine to follow or go against what his thought process would have been. The results always make me smile!

To Fish or Not to Fish

I’ve been helped and have helped. I’ve helped other people and have been helped by other people as well. I’ve benefited from all of the help I’ve received and I’ve felt blessed being able to help others that are also in need.


However, the one thing I’ve found to have been really beneficial to both me and whomever it was that’s helped me was the time spent to have taught me how to fish. And I’ve had quite a handful of “life fishing” lessons from people who took the time to show me the ropes and have taught me the rudiments to fish for my own food and to be able to be good at it so that I can then teach other people how to “fish” till they get good at it.


However, like many of you who have loved ones, we can get crazy and passionate in helping them that we tend to “fish” on their behalf. Instead of showing and teaching them how to cast a net, we set out to sea ourselves and feed them with our own catch. And there's no problem with that... until you're taking away from your own family's catch. But that’s our "nurture" instinct, specially toward other people who also matter to us. But does it truly help them? And does it truly help you?


Most of the time, the people who've ask for help and support aren’t the most sensitive about issues their "fishermen" are having. For example, in the past, I’d go ask for help from any of my aunts without conscious regard if they were capable of helping me or not at that specific moment. And sometimes, I'd feel bad if they couldn't spare me a "fish" or two. (how selfish!)


I would remind whoever that was helping me that they “committed” to fish for me! (was I even entitled?) I didn’t even care if that person was even in good shape to “fish” for me. It was all for my benefit at the expense of other people. It was their fault if they disappointed me. (how absurd!)


Falling face flat on the ground a decade ago made me realize that I had to learn how to fish for myself. I had to be a fisherman and not a mere consumer of someone else’s catch. I realized that the more I “set out to sea” to acquire my own catch, the more other “fishermen” were willing to help me out.


It wasn’t long until I had “seasoned” fishermen teaching me better principles on HOW TO FISH and how to multiply my catch exponentially. I earned the respect of others and I felt good about myself. I counted my blessings and have shared them as well. And it has been better, both for me and the person that I've helped. The result always yields a different kind of pride.


Now stop for a moment and think about where you are in the sea of life. Are you by the shore, waiting for the fishing boat to set in so that you can ASK (not buy) for some catch. Or are you out there with the rest of the fishermen, casting your net and taking home your own catch no matter how little… no matter how great?


Enjoy the week!


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Photo by Andy Zapata Jr.

Don't Beat Your Goose to Death!

by Paco Arespacochaga

Remember the story of the goose that laid golden eggs? His master got greedy and impatient and wanted the goose to lay more eggs in one day, he thought that he would just go ahead and open up the goose to get ALL the eggs. He did just that and killed the goose and discovered NO EGG!

Instead of ending up with more, he ended up with NONE!

And this holds true in life as well, no matter who you are or where you are or what you are, you have a GOOSE in your life that lays GOLDEN EGGS for you. Think for a moment who this is or what this is? Once you've determined it, ask yourself how you've been treating this person or object or intangible possession that has been continuing to give you wealth.

We may not no it but we often beat the heck out of our "goose" in a rush to get more "golden eggs"! Why? Greed perhaps? Ignorance maybe? Why?

Some companies treat their employees this way. Management make them work to the point of breaking their morale. There are managers who are guilty of this as well, for lack of management ability perhaps? Or maybe from upper management pressure brought down on them, we'll never know. Sales people are also guilty of the same "sin". They take every last ounce of revenue they can take from their clients.

We do this to our loved ones too! We take... and take... and take some more! And take again! And when the "goose" is dead, we're lost.

Stop for a moment and appreciate the people that have been crucial to your success. Stop for a moment and give them a hug or a note that says "thank you". Stop for a moment and look at that masterpiece that is giving you residual revenue. Be thankful for your intellectual property. Be proud of it. How about that talent of yours that got you to the top of the charts? How are you valuing your talent? Are you abusing your body?

Relax for a moment. Be thankful and learn to appreciate what you have and be patient. Love the goose that lays your golden egg and you will be wealthy for the rest of your life. Beat it to death and you die with it.

Have a great day ahead. No one can make it miserable without your permission!

PI vs RP… Does It Even Matter?

By Paco Arespacochaga

I was at a client’s place of business today, going over his marketing program. After our business transaction, our conversation shifted to a more informal tone and mode. My client, Atty. Charles Gangloff, commended me of my command of the English language. He inquired if I spoke English the way I did. I said “no”. As a matter of fact, I am quite insecure of my capacity to speak in English – writing in English is a different skill altogether.

Our topic brought us too many digressions. At the end of my visit, he thanked me for actually referring to him as “Atty. Gangloff” or “Mr. Gangloff” as opposed to “hey Chuck!” He is 82 years old, by the way. Anyway, he shared with a story wherein he and his wife entered a restaurant and was greeted by the host with something like this… “Hey GUYS! Whadya havin’ tonight?”

The man studied law and has a Phd. He has been practicing for the last 30 years. He goes to a restaurant and the waitress calls the couple “GUYS”. First of all, Atty Gangloff’s wife isn’t a “guy”. That’s me being sarcastic. The point I’m trying to get across is that; please call somebody by the title they wear. And when in doubt, please refer to them as “mister” or “miss”. Remember, this man spends countless hours and probably sleepless nights reading books and learning how to become what he is… a lawyer. Give him the title by showing some respect.

“Hey man! I’m going to the P.I. (or Philippine Islands) for Christmas!” is not an uncommon statement among Pinoys abroad. However, the correct and formal name of the Philippines is in fact R.P. (or the Republic of the Philippines.)

Filipinos, who live in the Philippines, don’t really appreciate anybody referring to the Philippines as P.I. because that term has long gone. It was a name used by the Spanish Explorer, Ruy Lopez de Villalobos – Las Islas Filipinas, back in the day. But this was during the Spanish era. The Americans translated the name in English, hence the term Philippine Islands. But you see, the Philippines isn’t JUST a group of islands anymore.

We’ve fought hard for our freedom and independence. We’ve established and re-established our own form of government and constitution. We’ve fought hard to make the Philippines a sovereign nation. We are far from being called Las Islas Filipinas.

This being said, it’s just like the story of Atty Gangloff. I say, give credit where credit is due and call it as it is.

The Philippines is a sovereign nation with a people proud of where they are. We’re more than mere Philippine Islands (P.I.)

We are the Republic of the Philippines!

Patrick Swayze Died Today

By Paco Arespacochaga

When I read the news about Patrick Swayze being diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer back in March of 2008, my heart sank. Although I didn’t know Swayze personally, I personally knew the disease that took his life today on Sept 14, 2009. As a matter of fact, 18 years ago the same disease claimed the life of the woman my heart loved first… my mother.

Swayze was someone I was cheering on. I wanted him to live! I wanted him to find and experience the cure. I was telling myself that if pancreatic cancer was Mount Everest, I wanted Patrick to reach the summit. Although he didn’t, I am lead to believe that he did his best live through the disease and I admire his courage and will continue to do so.

Before his death, Patrick Swayze cried out to Congress for help. And he wasn’t just crying out for them to help him, he was also crying out on behalf of the people that have been diagnosed with cancer and for the people that will be left behind.

As I bring it home, I am reminded of my mortality and of the time that I have left to spend with my family. After all, I’m not going to get out of this life alive. I will experience death. But that’s not a concern of mine. I’m more concerned about the people I love…my wife and my sons. Will they be left in good hands? Will they have fond memories of our time together?

I’m not fond of reading obituaries. I’m not a big fan of the grim reaper. I know that living forever is boring but so is living a short life. However I look at it, I am compelled to say that the beginning and the end of my life doesn’t really mean anything if I don’t live my life to my fullest capacity.

Today, I am thankful that I have “today”. As far as I know, it’s all I have. And I will take good care of it.

Because someday, a time will come when someone will write a blog entitled:

Paco Arespacochaga Died Today

A Nice "Thank You" From a Good Friend

I am humbled and privileged to have had some influence on this man's life. Thank you for your acknowledgement Donnee!

I read Marc Tupaz' note on Facebook and he talked about two people that have somewhat influenced him and his musical career path. Reading it made me smile. I hope it makes you smile too!

Fellas... read on below!

Twist of Fate and Contrasting Mentors
by Marc Tupaz

Those who have known me for a long time know that i started my singing career as a soloist. Little did i know at the time that two contrasting personalities would shape my career in a weird twist of fate. As a soloist, there were many words one could use to describe what i was as a singer. Sucks, Lost, Raw,Talentless,Stubborn,Lazy were all among the equation.

Rockstar number 1: I met rockstar number 1 one night at Bedrock in Malate. My 1st impression, What a jerk! hahaha but if there's any truth to the saying 1st impressions last then it is very untrue in this case. You could see right away that he was very good with his craft and enjoyed the limelight very much. He never ran out of ideas and wether some good and some are bad, he had enough talent to make it work.

Rock star 1 is better known as INTROVOYS drummer/ Actor, Paco Arespacochago or Enrico as we call him. Most people would say that he is a love him or hate him kinda guy and i love this guy like a brother. I was starting out my band at the time that i met him i think way back in 2001 and when he heard i was planning to put up my own band it almost seemed he was more excited than i was. Always vivacious and full of life, Paco always offered advice whether or not i wanted to hear it. The hardest thing for a young singer at the time was to be told what your flaws were but without saying it straight out, i knew what he was saying. Instead of telling me that our set was bad, he would tell me that there was something wrong with our lineup. Instead of saying that i sucked, he said music is hard and there's alot to be learned. But i knew what he was talking about. With Paco i learned to have a controlled amount of angst.. just enough for my personality. He enjoyed music so much that he wanted me to feel that joy for myself by pushing me with encouraging words. If he ever had anything bad to say about my singing or performance at the time i would never hear it. Instead he would break down what i can improve on future performances. With Paco i learned to be confident, and with a guy like him he had alot of confidence to spare hahaha no pun intended. Paco didnt mentor my singing but he mentored my feelings and outlook. Under his tutelage i can say i was half ready to take on the showbiz world. Best Paco Arespacochaga quotes: " Kahit nagkakamali ka na sa stage kailangan pogi ka parin!" 2. " Ang galing natin kanina Donnee. and of course my favorite quote.. 3. Harald and Paco having a conversation: Paco-" Harry, drumming is like having sex. You have to look sexy doing it. Kinda like having sex with a woman." Harald- "........." Paco- "You have had sex right?" Harald- "uh.. no" Paco-"......." " How about masturbation? Do you masturbate?"

Exodus: It was Paco's bday and there was a party at the famous compound. (Paco's apartment compund). Everyone was drinking including yours truly. I met Ira Cruz for the first time and everyone was either loud, rowdy or drunk. Then i was introduced to Rock star number 2.

Rockstar 2: Was quiet, cool and calmly drinking his beer when i was introduced to him. This is Wency Cornejo as Paco introduced me to the quiet intimidating man drinking his beer. I said, I know him. He's the singer of After Image i told Paco. Paco bit confused asked me.." How do you know After Image when you grew up in the states and not know Introvoys songs till you met me?" " I don't know" was my answer but i did know because i heard After Image songs in the U.S. Wency mentioned to Paco that he needed a backup band for his solo gigs because Color It Red was abroad so Paco offered my band. Wency in many ways is different from Paco and he would probably add that they are very different. We backed up Wency for a couple of his shows and during the drinking sessions after the shows i saw it as my opportunity to ask away my heart's desire better ways to improve myself. Unlike Paco, Wency rarely offers advise unless asked and ask away i did. During countless drinking sessions, I learned more about the quiet man who was oozing with talent and his songs, how he writes them,the meanings,the heart and experiences that make this quiet man as loud as he can be onstage and or when writing songs. It's funny how most of wency's advice contradicts whatever i learned from Paco. Confused as i was i slowly realized that music in all aspects is a contradiction that's why it's so wonderful. I learned how two different people as Wency and Paco are in the extreme, can make things work their own way. This is the point in my life when you could throw out the word "lost" from the list of words to describe me as a singer.Wency in a weird twist of fate completed what Paco started especially now with Paco living in the U.S. My favorite wency quote will always be " I'm proud of you." For a man of few words when it comes to those kind of things, It was worth a million words of encouragement.

My two brothers, two mentors, opposite sides of the world now. Without either of you, There will be no Marc Tupaz of Shamrock. Your legacies in the music industry will always be remembered. But your impact on me will never be forgotten. Sucks, Lost, Raw,Talentless,Stubborn,Lazy may or may have not been totally removed from the equation, but thanks to these guys and my bandmates atleast i know i improved and still am improving. Cheers to you guys! Shamrock's latest unreleased album is now part of your legacy also.

How Can I Be So Blessed?

It's 1:27 am on a chilly Friday as I lay down on the right edge of our queen size bed. On my left are two of the most beautiful people on the planet, my wife and my son. As they sleep peacefully by my side, I am wondering.

Sometimes, we tend to forget what we have until we lose it. Most often, we wrap ourselves all over something trivial. Well, I'm letting everyone know right now that I choose to keep my family together and enjoy them until the day I am called by God or when my little one decides to leave the nest.

What really inspires me everyday the love and dedication that comes from my wife. How she holds everything together amazes me. How she cares for our son and myself is beyond comprehension. And as I glance at her right now, I am still in awe that I am hers and she is mine and that the little bundle of joy that is co-sleeping on our bed is OURS!

And so I say a little prayer of thanks and sheepishly wonder... "How can I be so blessed?"